HaGaon Rav Naftali Zvi Yehudah Berlin (known as the Netziv, an acronym), spiritual head of the com- munity and yeshiva of Volozhin, was my mother’s brother and also my brother-in-law, having married my sister after the death of his first wife. Born on the eve of Rosh Chodesh Kislev 5577 (1816) in the town of Mir in the Minsk district, he was of average intelligence. And yet, lacking any extraordinary intellectual gift, he nevertheless managed to reach the very highest level of Torah scholarship through his phenomenal, almost unbelievable, diligence. It was said that when he felt himself succumbing to sleep after many hours of study, he would place his feet in cold water to keep himself awake. Gedolim who knew him during his younger years compared his learning to a war-an all-out struggle which he waged with the Torah until he conquered it and claimed it as his own. Because his hard-won learning was not obvious, it took many years until the incredible depth of his knowledge
became known. Until that time, he suffered in no small degree from the indifference and condescension of other scholars, who relegated him to a status far below their own in the hierarchy of Torah learning. Even his first wife, daughter of HaGaon Rav Yitzchak of Volozhin (fondly known as Reb Itzile Volozhiner), and granddaughter of the famed Rav Chaim Volozhiner, was depressed and chagrined by her husband’s lowly position. She was filled with envy at the honors shown her older sister, wife of the highly acclaimed scholar HaGaon Rav Eliezer Yitzchak Fried, who ever since his youth enjoyed the distinguished position of an illuy. Even the renowned Reb Itzile did not seem to take too kindly to his son-in-law.
All this changed radically when Reb Itzile, quite by chance, came across my uncle’s work on the Sifri. He read it, amazed, unable to reconcile the brilliance of the work with his own long-held, slightly derisive estimation of my uncle’s abilities. He was, to say the least, astonished and found it difficult to believe that the work was original. He began to observe my uncle more closely until he finally reached the unavoidable conclusion that this was indeed the original product of my uncle’s exhausting toil. Reb Itzile at last fully comprehended that his son-in-law, held in such low esteem by everyone around him, was as knowledgeable in the treasures of the Torah as any of the gedolim.
After this, Reb Itzile’s attitude towards my uncle changed dramatically. Out of deep joy and satisfaction, he applied to him the verse: “The rock that was despised by the builders turned into a cornerstone.” From then on, he showered love, respect, and goodwill upon my uncle. As a result, my aunt made peace with her lot, and my uncle’s own despondency was considerably lightened. As time went on, his name gained renown and was recognized throughout the country. But it was only when he assumed leadership of the great Torah Academy of Volozhin, that his deep wellsprings of Torah knowledge gushed forth like a torrent. Under his guidance the institution flowered and expanded sending out new shoots that penetrated to the most barren of the Torah world.
Yet the feelings of frustration and doubt which the Netziv experienced in his youth affected him deeply his entire life, as he once personally revealed to me. It was during the month of Iyar while he and I were riding in a horse-drawn carriage from Volozhin to the nearby train station. The weather was just right for travelling; a clear blue sky, a warm pleasant sun and the fresh, mild temperature of spring – neither too hot nor too cold. We were sitting in the spacious carriage, relaxing and talking with no one else to disturb us. I was still very young, studying in Volozhin, and was on my way home to participate in a family simchah. My uncle was on his way to Vilna.
Being alone with me, he was mainly interested in discussing my personal situation. My “personal situation,” of course, meant the progress of my studies. What other matters would I, a young lad, have any reason to discuss with him? He asked me for an exact description of what I had learned in the winter zman that had just ended (even though I am quite sure he already knew, as he visited me just about every day in the beis hamedrash), He asked me questions here and there, testing my knowledge, and greeted my answers with Comments geared to my young mind. Afterward he outlined a plan for my studies in the upcoming summer zman. Then he asked me how my life was in Volozhin. Was I happy with my “host”? Did they fulfill their obligations towards me in terms of food and other necessities? Did I have enough clothes, shoes, bed linens, etc.? Finally, he asked about my friends in the yeshiva.
This last question finally gave me the opportunity I had been waiting for to move the discussion on to a problem that had been of profound worry to me. It centered upon a certain young man from the town of
S. who sat very near me in the yeshiva. From this close proximity, I was able to observe clearly how other students distanced themselves from him, even those that sat nearby. They never included him in their Torah discussions or even in plain, friendly conversations. In fact, they almost treated him as if he didn’t exist, making it painfully clear that they wanted nothing to do with him. Personally, I believed this attitude stemmed from their gen- eral feeling of superiority towards him in intellectual talents, general knowledge, halachic decision making, and all-around worldliness. I emphasized that the young man was modest and unassuming, and exerted much effort in his studies, knowing that my uncle held such qualities in high esteem and had respect and love for anyone who possessed them.
The Netziv, who made it his business to carefully ex- amine the progress of all the yeshiva’s students, paying close attention to their activities-particularly their relationships with fellow students-had been aware that a problem existed but not to the extent I described. After all, I sat right next to this young man and was in a position to observe his plight firsthand. From such close quarters, I felt his pain deeply. More than once I saw how depressed he became over the cold shoulder shown to him by his peers, and I was deeply saddened by his plight.
My uncle expressed dismay that he hadn’t been sufficiently aware of the extent of the problem and promised that on his return he would do his best to encourage the young man and to fill him with optimism and hope for the future. Perhaps with some warm personal support his loneliness would dissipate and everything would change for the better. He also promised to speak highly of the young man in the presence of the other students, hopefully raising his status in their eyes and blowing away the ill winds that now defined their relationship to him.
My uncle then revealed to me how well he understood the young man’s suffering. Painfully, he recalled his own youth and the scholars who had ignored him for the same reason this young man was being ignored: because his level of scholarship was deemed far below their own. As a result of their attitude he had, in fact, begun to feel that perhaps they might be right, perhaps his capabilities were indeed much below those of the brilliant men who judged him. This led to feelings of inferiority which deepened his sense of isolation.
“At times,” my uncle explained, “these feelings of de- pression became so strong that I considered leaving the yeshiva altogether and moving into the world of business- opening up a store or peddling merchandise. I felt that maybe it really was impossible to conquer the treasures of Torah with only the strong arm of diligence to compensate for a lack of inborn talent.”
But just when all seemed lost, and his feelings of depression and frustration were at their highest, his salvation appeared like a spirit from Heaven in the form of one of the leaders of the generation, the Radal, HaGaon Rav Dovid Luria, from the town of Bechau. He encouraged my uncle not to despair, to be courageous, and to persevere in his studies. He explained to my uncle that the negative attitude shown to him was really a deep-rooted jealousy for his unusual persistence, which guaranteed him a great and beautiful future in Torah. Rav Dovid was especially upset about two former students of his who were studying with my uncle and who were also guilty of treating him in a condescending manner because of his “poor” abilities. Rav Dovid felt that besides bringing shame to themselves and degrading the honor of the Torah, their attitude reflected negatively upon himself, for they were, after all, known as his students.
Concluding his recollections, my uncle said: “If all Jews recite the Psalm LeDovid Borchi Nafshi only during the winter Shabbosos, I have an obligation to recite it daily because I owe my soul and my entire position in the world to Reb Dovid!” In the year 5615 (1855), the Radal honored my uncle with a beautiful haskamah to his work Haamek She’elah on the She’iltos, which is printed before the intro- duction to the first volume.
A wealthy acquaintance of my uncle once came before him and poured out his heart. Although this man’s material situation was as good as one could possibly hope for and he was well thought of by his friends and neighbors, all this changed as soon as he stepped through his own front door! “Once I walk into my house,” the man lamented, “I feel as if a dark cloud has spread over my soul. I feel almost as if ‘gehinnom has opened up below me,’ to paraphrase the words of the Sages. Everyone may think that life is rosy for me, but in truth I suffer painfully and bitterly. The reason? My wife’s behavior! She has no respect for me. She treats me like dirt, doesn’t ask my opinion about anything and doesn’t relate to it when it is given.”
Now this man was extremely good-natured, which only made his wife’s overbearing attitude that much more difficult to endure. Gradually, because of his wife’s total control, he
began to feel totally superfluous in his own home. Even the servants, taking their cue from their mistress, began treating him with disrespect, turning only to his wife for instructions. He was ignored, lonely, and depressed. The situation became so intolerable that he finally turned with desperation to my uncle for advice on how to regain his wife’s respect and his own role in guiding his household.
My uncle asked the man about his daily schedule and for a clear accounting of his activities for every hour of the day and night. “Most of my time is spent on business,” responded the man. “I have many letters to write, accounts to settle, and visiting merchants to entertain as is customary for people with businesses such as mine.”
“Do you set aside an hour or two for Torah study?” “Unfortunately, my business is so extensive that it takes up just about all my time,” the man replied.
“That’s it!” my uncle exclaimed. “I have found the key to the puzzling disease that afflicts your home. I will give you the key, and you will use it to find the cure yourself. If you follow my instructions carefully, constantly, without any postponement or delay-no excuses whatsoever-with dedication and devotion, I promise that in a very short time you will be cured of your problem, and joy and happiness will light up your way. Let me explain. Mishlei (16:7) states, ‘When a man’s ways please Hashem, He causes even his enemies to make peace with him.’ Our Sages point out in the Midrash that the ‘enemy’ refers to one’s wife. Do you know why Chazal refer to a person’s wife as an enemy? You must remember the Rashi on the posuk ‘I will make for him [Adam] a helper opposite him.’ Rashi comments, ‘If he is worthy, she is a helper; if not, she opposes him.’ As a punishment for a man’s sins, his wife turns into his foe. Thus, when a man’s
ways are pleasing to God, his wife-who was his enemy on account of his transgressions-will make up with him and become the true helpmate she was meant to be.
“So,” concluded my uncle, “the ideal method for a man to find favor with God is through the study of Torah. Our Sages say (Avodah Zarah 19a) that God will fulfill the wishes of one who is engaged in Torah study. My advice to you is go and rearrange your schedule to leave time for daily Torah study, if possible in-depth, to the best of your abilities. I guarantee that your wife will begin to respect you, and your family life will improve without measure.
“And now,” he continued, “let me tell you a little secret from personal experience. Before I reached the level in Torah learning commensurate with my abilities my wife also treated me with disrespect. But afterwards she also made peace with me. This is the way of Torah, its secret, its treasure, its honor and glory.”
I heard this story from a trustworthy source in Volozhin who spent a lot of time in my uncle’s house. Many years later I was visiting my uncle’s son, HaGaon Rav Chaim Berlin, who at that time was acting as the Rav of Moscow (he later moved to Jerusalem where he spent the last years of his life). Our conversation turned to this particular incident, and Rav Chaim told me that he knew the man very well.
“He used to visit me when he passed through Moscow on business. He once confided in me with great satisfaction that my father’s profound advice shielded him from punishment and cured his family situation. Little by little family harmony was re-established, and his life returned to normal.”
Rav Chaim never told me the man’s name, out of respect for his family. All he said was that he came from the Kovno district and was in some way related to our family.
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